all over again

The lobby of K's building.

 Spending the Christmas season in a new, big city has been really exciting! There are a lot of new things to see and new traditions to make. It has been especially fun for me to live near one of my family members again- Adam is just a ten minute drive from us and we love having him over whenever he has the time. We have been to see a bunch of movies with him the past few months, as well as going to see the Zoo Lights together and having him babysit the girls for us. And they are obsessed with him. Completely smitten. He's a pretty awesome uncle. 

Zoo Lights 2012

Of course, being in a new city has brought with it plenty of changes to our way of life, and not all of them are pleasant. Here are a few things I have noticed over the past three months that have come with moving to Portland: 

• Suddenly friends and family members think it's okay to talk about Idaho like it's a well-known fact that my family and I have finally picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off and moved out of hillbilly hell. Dear such family and friends: NOT. COOL. Seriously, acting like I should be grateful to be away from that small and, yes, somewhat sheltered place makes you sound like an idiot. Stop talking. I miss my friends and family in Idaho dearly. I miss school. And there is nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with my missing small city life, my big house, my big yard, my teensy Farmer's Market. And, yeah, it's pretty awesome living in a big town with huge everything (libraries, shopping centers, theaters, everything), but that doesn't mean that where I live now, or where you live now or have ever lived, means that Idaho is now the punchline to your jokes. Ugh. So, with all of the love and sincerity I possess, please think before you open your big mouth. Thanks.

Santa time!

• There are really great people everywhere! I have met some of the most sincerely nice and thoughtful people here in the suburbs of Portland. My neighbors are fantastic, my ward is wonderful, Avery's school is great. I hope my family and I will add to the great feeling of friendliness around here.

Zoo Lights 2012

•  Being a parent feels different in Portland than it did in Smalltown McMormonville, Idaho. If someone, say, in the airport or grocery store in Idaho saw me struggling with two small children, more often than not I was met with extra helpfulness, kind strangers talking with my children, telling me how sweet/cute/wonderful they are (only the truth), and once I was even given a pat on the back and a, "Great job, Mom!" from a complete stranger when I was checking out at lightning speed at Fred Meyer and Carter was crying because I wouldn't let her push the buttons on the credit card machine and Avery was doing the Imma-bouta-pee-my-pants-dance like nobody's business.

Here, I am much more prone to getting looks from Hipsters and Respectable Adults (and yes, those are two distinct groups) alike that plainly say, "Don't you know how to use a condom?", "I'm so glad I'm not you", and, last but certainly not least, "Why in Heaven's name did you leave your house, freak?" 

Legit. No exaggeration here. 

At the airport last week we were even put into a different line and helped very last of all of the airline's customers, and I am convinced it was because two adults and two little girls with five large pieces of luggage in Portlandese says, "I am Other. Keep far away. Do not help me. Pity me. Pity yourself if you must have contact with me."

It extends beyond the airport, too. At restaurants with our children, who are, I dare say, at least as well-behaved as any five and two-year-old out there, I have to flag down our server for water refills, let alone anything else. They like to give us our food and check and absolutely nothing more.

This difference in attitude makes me laugh more often than not, but it also makes me think about the state of the world in deeper moments- I am sad that choosing to procreate is apparently so looked-down upon! Or at least that choosing to ever dare leave your house with children is.

Again, though, my final thought here is that I would like to be a positive part of this community, especially to other mothers. Mothers here often keep their heads down and are trying to make it though, just like me. But I am going to try looking up and smiling and being kind to other people and their kids when I am running errands. I can do that much. Maybe I'll start a cool new trend, like tattoo sleeves or Priuses?!

Beautiful girls!

• Traffic sucks. Commuting is stupid. How are there this many people/cars/stores? Seriously, traffic sucks. 
• Finally, along with moving to a new, large city I have realized that I am not as brave as I once thought I was. And I have whined about this move a lot, when so many act like it is just a part of life. I guess I never had to do that growing up, though. Move a lot, I mean. Every house that I lived in from birth to age 18 are all in a ten mile radius of each other. And I got to be in Idaho for nearly a decade! So maybe it has just been extra-intimidating for me, especially since I felt so happy and settled in our home in Idaho. Changing everything about our location and situation has been mentally and emotionally draining (and growing a human being inside of me hasn't much helped the situation, either), and new beginnings are at the same time opportunities of a lifetime and crap sandwiches. But getting to find out how much friends and family mean with new distance and closeness, making new friends, and growing closer to my husband and children are all happy consequences of taking a leap into new opportunity that came with feelings of peace and hope when agonized over on my knees. So I hereby promise to stop complaining! 

Cross my heart.

bringing up baby

We took a few pictures the morning of the gender ultrasound and I thought I'd share. I'm not huge on belly shots, but we thought we'd get one by our sweet little Christmas tree to commemorate the day. I still am in shock a little bit that this kicker is a boy! I mean, it's really not shocking news- it had to have been one of two outcomes. But still! A BOY. It didn't really hit me until I got home and looked around- everything we own is pink! 

We have a lot of work to do.

Now that Christmas is over, I am looking at my very last semester of college. I graduate this April, which will have to be a long distance affair since this baby boy is due to show up at the end of that month. I am so excited to be done with my degree, but it is definitely bittersweet- spending my last couple of semesters doing school online feels like I'm getting a fake degree. It's no fun to have put in so much work and feel kind of like a phony. Of course, the fact that I plan to do, oh, absolutely nothing with this degree might have something to do with that phony-feeling too. Not that I wish I was striking out into the work force- I love being a stay-at-home mom and we have made a lot of sacrifices to keep my job here with my kids. But still, it would be nice to DO something with all of this knowledge! All I feel capable of doing is citing some killer sources and reading copious amounts of literature in a short period of time like no one's business. Perhaps it will come in handy someday. Like in a Masters program. 

A girl can dream. 

 

The girls are so excited to have a little brother, and they pat/talk to/rub/sing to/poke my belly an awful lot. Which is really cute. And just a little silly. I just hope Carter doesn't want to keep doing it when all she's poking is too much Chinese food or a trip to the buffet in there. We are trying to prepare her for the baby's arrival, and so far so good! While we were in the ultrasound, there was a poster of nine months of pregnancy from the womb- a sort of portrait of how baby grows. Carter begged K to pick her up, pointed to each picture on the poster and said, "That's my baby brother and that's my baby brother and that's my baby brother and that's my baby brother..." And she got a baby doll for Christmas- a little pink girl baby, but still!- that she puts to bed every day and night. But I'm still pretty sure that when baby brother makes his debut she is going to be umm well, let's hope she's aiming kisses at him, and not knuckle sandwiches. 

beautiful beautiful beautiful

Well, he certainly isn't shy...


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

if it's too much to ask, if it's too much to ask

Hello Friends! It has been too long since I have had a quiet moment with which to share my thoughts and experiences here. 

Now is not that moment. 

It's finals week and I have two extra children living with me for the week, a four-year-old and a three-year-old. That means that right now I am the mom of a five, four, three, and two-year-old. Did I mention finals? ...just checking.

For the past month I have been counting down with every bit of sanity I have left (and I lose bits by the minute lately!) to next week-- school is out for a few weeks and I am ready to unwind! It is going to be an all-Christmas, all-Family, all-fun time! We are delivering the gifts, watching the shows, reading the books, singing the carols- all of the things I have been looking forward to all year! And then on Friday we get to fly to Las Vegas where we are spending Christmas with my entire family (eee!!)! 

But there is something that I am looking forward to even more than all of that. This coming Tuesday, I get to take a good look at the little kicker I am incubating! This pregnancy has been wonderful so far, and I have been counting down for far too long to find out the sex of this baby! I feel so ready to become a family of five. I am seriously impatient.  In fact, between the move and all the wonderful insanity of getting a new life laid out in a new place, I feel like this is an elephant's gestation period (2 years!!!) and not a human's. Not to complain- I just am so eager to see this baby's little face and feet and arms and hands and uhh gender. Sorry, that sounds dirty or something, but seriously, it all looks like smudges and waves until the ultrasound technician points out all of those things to you, anyway. We will be so happy either way, but I know K has his fingers crossed for a boy! If you want to venture a guess, I put a poll up. It will close on Tuesday morning!

Oregon Zoo Lights, 2012

I hope this little update finds everyone out there well and enjoying the Christmas season!

the big day

It's the day we've all been waiting for! It's picture retake day at Av's Elementary School!! Enjoy this opportunity, especially if your Kindergarten picture turned out like this...

I love this kid like nobody else, but you have to admit she looks more like an alien or a direct descendant of Jay Leno than the Av we all know and love. Here's hoping take two goes just a bit better!

...oh, yeah. I guess it's also Election Day. Whatever your political views, this is an important day for all of us.I thought these charts were especially fun to look through. Do they hold true for you?

Happy Voting America!

is that so wrong?

I just want her to stay little forever.

Is that so wrong?

too naughty not to share

...okay, many of you will think I am a terrible person for thinking that this is funny. 

But don't worry. I don't think it's funny.

I think it's cracking hilarious.

Sorry to offend...

spring fever

So, I have been writing some posts on the other-other blog about my insulin resistance and PCOS diagnoses from last Spring, and how I have been trying to manage my weight/health/carb-intake since then. You know, my usual Comedy Hour at The Laugh Factory bit. Waiting and working at this has been a trial of patience and discipline for me, as I know it is for so very, very man women everywhere. I feel like it is such a blessing and a right for women to bare children, and it just feels plain unfair to me that so many struggle, especially those of my dear friends who are not able to have kids. And then you throw in how very common abortion is and that there are so many "unwanted" pregnancies among those who are unprepared to be mothers. Ugh. This message basically covers my feelings on families and children today, and my desire to protect and love as many children as the Lord will bless me to come into contact with.

Anyway, my weight loss struggles have basically come to a stand-still. Lest you catch a picture of me on Facebook and wonder why on earth I have completely let myself go, it is time to share some news with you all: 

I am pregnant!

WOW! Okay, I'm not that pregnant. Yet. This is me 9 mo. preg with Carter! Man, most pictures are worth 1,000 words, but this one only screams one: WADDLE.

 I am entering my second trimester this week, which means that I am due in late April. I discovered our happy happy news, oh, about the same day we decided to take the job and move to Portland! Needless to say it  has been an exciting and EXHAUSTING couple of months. Seriously, I have never felt more tired constantly than I have every day of the last month. My habit of napping every afternoon with Carter has helped me some, but it has also helped Avery to get into no end of trouble, too, including cutting a playmate's hair in my backyard with kitchen scissors while I was snoozing. Oh yeah, between that, the other-worldly smell that existed in the apartment we rented sight-unseen, and the flea problem that surfaced shortly after moving in (in the form of small, red, incredibly itchy bites all over K and my ankles and feet), moving in has been exciting to say the least! Thankfully we moved into a neighborhood with some of the nicest people I have ever met, including the little girl whose hair was butchered and her sweet and forgiving mom, we rented an ozone machine many times and finally killed the smell, and the fleas have yet to make a reappearance (well, since round two of fumigating, that is). 

Since I am due in April, the countdown to Spring is well under way in this house! My girls are so excited and Avery is praying for a baby brother. We make the world's most adorable girls, though, so I'm not picky. Avery loves to look at my tummy (SO not my favorite thing) and tell me names for a baby boy. Today she came up with Tom. Carter, however, has taken to getting very irritated whenever I tell her she's going to be a big sister. She then insists I call her baby and feed her from a dolly's bottle. I'm not too worried- I have six months to warm her up to the idea.
 I am still working very hard to eat well, count carbs and keep unnecessary weight off. I haven't gained a pound yet (Wahoo! ...Although it doesn't look it-- there is something about a third pregnancy that apparently makes your body say, "Oh, don't worry. I remember this," and then a big round baby pooch immediately attaches itself to your front.) and doc's orders say I should only gain 15 pounds total this pregnancy. Compared to my weight-gain during my other pregnancies, well... let' just say it should be a super fun time of patience and discipline! But I'm not worried. Bring it on, ice cream cravings! You've got nothing on me!

 I have been feeling so blessed despite all of the chaos that has surrounded our life of late, and I could not be more grateful for my husband, my children, our friends, family and neighbors, both old and new, for modern-day revelation and a benevolent God whose hand I see in my life whenever I open my eyes and look. I feel glad for the foundation I have that tells me that this life is not meant to be easy, but, rather, that we are all here to learn how to love and support each other and to lean on the Savior for comfort and forgiveness and help. I have so many blessings to count- including those of you who have been so encouraging and supportive to me and my family! Thank you! 

Gender polls and musings on whether this baby will look like me, K, or a weird-but-beautiful mix of the two of us (like our two existing tots) are forth-coming. Wahoo baby time!!