Sunday, September 2, 2012

but the truth is, I miss you.

Alright friends and lovers! Here is the stone cold truth. 
The truth is that about two weeks ago K interviewed for his dream job in Portland, Oregon, our dream town. 
The truth is that they loved him there, and offered him a position with them.
And the truth is that we are moving to the greater Portland area. In two weeks. 
K's new office building. He will work on the 2nd floor.
Oh, and one more little truth- I am terrified.

The past few years I have often felt so ready to move on. I have felt ready to try a different climate, a new house, a new adventure - something to shake up life a little bit. 
What have I learned in the past three days? 
I was an idiot. 

I don't want to leave all of my friends here in Idaho Falls, our comfy home, our perfect backyard, our thriving garden, our white trash neighbors that cook meth in their basement. I just don't think I want to start over! It is so hard imagining not knowing every face at church on Sunday, not being familiar with every road in town. It is downright terrifying to wonder if I will fit in, if my children will adjust, if I will gain 1,000 pounds with a Trader Joe's down the street, if life will get better or if there are new and major trials headed our way in PDX. 
The only thing I am not worried about is K. Firstly, because he is awesome and he is going to knock this job's socks off. 
Secondly, because he got us into this mess. 
Downtown PDX.
Please don't get me wrong, there is a part of me that is very excited, too! It is going to be so fun to explore and go on this new adventure and adjust and get to start over in so many ways! I fell in love with Portland years ago and have spent many-a-daydream thinking of a future there. There is real shopping (no offense IF), a gorgeous Zoo, tons of culture, AMAZING food, it's an hour away from the ocean, and my older brother (aka World's Best Uncle) lives there. When I think about these things I think I might be able to hang in there.

But then I think of Avery transferring schools only two weeks after Kindergarten has begun, or trying to go to the grocery store and winding up lost on the long, tree-lined streets that wind through the suburbs, or, and this one is the worst of all, when I think of not being able to call a great friend who is two minutes away to play with or rescue me when I am feeling down, and the panicked feeling in my chest swells out and threatens to leave me in a ruined puddle on the floor. 

I have been doing a lot of mopping up lately. 

I was planning on graduating this December, but since I will now finish my degree online (ick) I will be graduating this April. I am grateful to still have the ability to graduate, but leaving campus one semester early is a little depressing. Man, I sound so mopey! Flula would say that I am Happy as a Clam.

As soon as we find a place to live I think things will feel a little less out of control, but until then we are selling/packing up all of our belongings, saying goodbye to the best friends we have ever had, and looking forward to an unknown future. It is intimidating and exciting and utterly devastating all at the same time.