Check my new (to me) 2004 Chevy Trailblazer! I used to drive a 2005 Toyota Corolla and It was definitely time for a change! My Trailblazer has a bunch more miles than the Toyota so the car dealership traded us for it! That probably sounds crazy, but I'm definitely an SUV kinda girl. And it's all black! It's sooo nice for the girls and I to have more room. And I needed a change. What do you think?

lunch packed up, shoes tied tight

I love this time of year. Summer is winding down. Kids (and adults, somehow more reluctant than their youthful counterparts) are going back to school. It always reminds me of You've Got Mail when Tom Hanks writes to Meg Ryan, "Don't you love... the Fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies." Apparently it made her want to buy a truck-load of botox, but that's beside the point. I see all of these families out back-to-school shopping and it makes me wish that someone would send me a "bouquet of freshly-sharpened pencils." haha
It really does feel like a time for new beginnings, though. In fact, I've never understood why we make resolutions in January. January is dull and cold and depressing. The high from the holidays has worn off and I'm just plain tired and bummed (winter here lasts about 4 months after January first. You'd be depressed too.) September first. That's my "new year". There is always something so hopeful about making new resolutions. At least until you give in and eat that doughnut or get frustrated with your toddler for taking too long to climb into the car when you're already late (honestly, why must she do everything herself!? I was never that head-strong and obstinate [this very moment my mother is rolling her eyes somewhere far from where I type this]). Fall just seems to radiate happiness now and hope of a brighter future. I'm not sure why, with the long, warm summer days ending and an endless winter encroaching. I'm sure this feeling is just a product of 15 years of school. Regardless, I've come up with a few resolutions already, namely losing the last 6 pounds of baby weight (and then some! [If there is anyone within the sound of my voice who has ever had or even contemplated having children and some version of this goal isn't on your list, I envy you]), improve my relationships (with a bunch of specifics peppered in there, like doing more things for others and cutting out the whole, "Avery, don't make me come in there!" speech), and re-apply for school (I'm going to finish that degree! ...I hope). Does anyone else feel like this right now?
PS Thank you to everyone who has checked in on me (via phone calls and emails and the like) since my last post. Didn't mean to make anyone worry. I am so grateful to have good friends like you, though. I have been reading a lot of things like this talk by Elder Holland. And I am so glad to have the knowledge that I do. That, like Elder Holland said, "because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so." Whatever trials I or anyone else may face, we have each other. And when we fail each other, or there is nothing anyone else can do, we have the Savior who suffered all things so we never have to be alone.

another song

We are still alive. Just in case you were wondering.

It can be absolutely heartbreaking at times to sit and take stock of your life. I guess the worst thing is that it's easiest to do that at your lowest moments. There are inevitably so many things that you would never ever wish away. Things that you could never have imagined for yourself. Things that make your life meaningful, even in the face of disappointment and adversity. And then there are those unrealized dreams. The people who have let you down, in either mundane or absolutely devasting ways. The things about yourself that you never wanted to take root staring back at you. The only comfort that I can take in the hard and horrible things that life gives us sometimes is the satisfaction we can have when we are doing all that we can. And when we fall short, which is inevitable, the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ, is there to buoy us up when we are victimized and heal our wounds as we repent and forgive. Even when the destination in this life is uncertain, He at least provides us path. That knowledge is like a life raft. Always there. Ready to save you from drowning in sorrow or anger or hurt or sin or despair. Or a tidal wave of all of those things.

I will be strong enough to hold on tight and ride this out.